


Human Concerns

by SilverSapphyre



Series: Tumblr Requests / Discord Shenanigans [6]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Cussing, Gen, Humor, Sass, don't fuck with Nero's chips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 00:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21188555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSapphyre/pseuds/SilverSapphyre
Summary: Nero was so used to dealing with the supernatural that he never thought about one day dealing with attempted armed robbery.  He just wanted his favorite chips.Discord ShenanigansDO NOT REPOST MY WORK!  |:<





	Human Concerns

“Hey, we’re gettin’ low,” Nico said while motioning at her pitifully empty stash of cigarette boxes.

“Sounds like your problem, not mine,” Nero retorted, figuring he might get a few miles of toxin-free air but noticing they were also low on fuel.

“It’ll be your problem when I crave a nicotine fix,” she griped in return, pointing at him with the remains of her current cigarette.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Have you seen the things I kill for a living?”

She barked a laugh. “Have you seen what I make that makes killin’ those things easier? Have fun doin’ it with a malfunctioning arm because _I was irritable from lack of nicotine_, asshole!”

He sighed and rolled his eyes, not mentioning that he was killing demons just fine with one arm before she made the Devil Breakers.

“You shut up. I can sense your snark from here.”

He shot a grin at her. “There’s a gas station in three miles, so calm the hell down. If you smoke through half a pack that fast, you’re gonna need a lung transplant.”

She pointed at him again. “You leave my lungs alone. They’re perfectly fine.” She took a long pull before snuffing the cherry out. “Think they’ll have those chips you like?”

He scoffed quietly. “The last three didn’t, so I’m not gettin’ my hopes up.”

“Poor baby-”

“Nico-”

“-gonna whine like a-”

“-_shut your face_-”

“-little _bitch_?”

“-what, like you just were?” He let out a laugh as he dodged the cigarette butt that she threw at him. “What the hell was that supposed to- _Ow fuck_!” he hissed when her lighter whacked him in the side of the head.

“_You_ shut _your_ face, _tough guy_!”

“You were askin’ for it- _Ow,_ where the hell did you get all those from?!”

When they stopped, Nero was quick to burst out of the van before Nico could throw anything else at him. She shouted at him to get her a drink, and he rolled his eyes. He instinctively ducked, smirking at the wadded-up paper towel that flew over his head and catching it with his foot to kick it into the trash can. 

Upon entering the store, he scanned the entire place in a habit to look for exits, ambush points, and cameras, though he cared little for the last one since it was hard to ignore a humongous demon tree destroying an entire city. His assessing, though, had earned him sympathetic looks and words more than once from people who thought he served and lost his arm in the military. He never corrected them, figuring it would be too much hassle, and maybe a little horrifying to them, to explain that he had been trained to kill demons since he could hold a sword. Those thoughts were tossed aside when he spotted his favorite chips, a happy grin tearing across his face.

There were only two left, so he grabbed both then went for drinks, glad to find they had one of Nico’s favorite left. He didn’t want any more lighters thrown at his head. Stepping up to the counter, he sat everything down while pulling out his I.D. and heaved a sigh. “May I please have a carton of cancer sticks, too?” Kyrie would be pleased at him minding his manners.

The clerk, an older man with a bit of a rough and unshaven face, laughed while checking his I.D. “Not for you, are they, son?”

Nero shot him a grumpy look. “Hell no. My business partner.” He gestured at the van with his Devil Breaker. “Stupid things smell like ass, but I get shit thrown at my face if I say anything.”

The old man barked out another laugh. “You got a brand?”

Nero looked behind him at all the different ones on the shelf before ruffling his hair with his human hand. “…Dammit. Uh, full flavor. The long ones, I think. I got her menthol by accident once, and that was _not_ pretty.” The door dinged, and he glanced over to scan the human with a pass over of his eyes and a subtle sniff before dismissing the person as no threat. He could easily smell sweat and the tang of anxiety, though.

“How about these? They’re mid-range on cost, so they shouldn’t put you out too bad and should keep her off your back.”

Nero shot him a little grin with a soft laugh. “Thanks. That’ll keep me alive a litt-” He paused when something poked his back, looking over his shoulder to see an arm holding a gun. “You gotta be shittin’ me.”

“Move it, buddy!” He towered over the human but let the thief nudge him to the side with an annoyed look on his face. “You, gramps-” A case was slammed into the counter, and Nero’s eye twitched at the sound of his favorite chips getting pulverized beneath it. “-Fill it up! And you-” He wondered if his eyes were glowing red yet with the burning rage he felt, especially when that gun was pointed at him again. “-You be quiet, and I won’t shoot!”

“Now, son…” The old man held his hands up when the thief pointed the gun back at him. “Son, I don’t think you want to do this. It’s not worth your life, okay?”

“You shut the hell up! Empty the register _and the safe_, or I’m gonna shoot this guy!” Nero gritted his teeth as he looked between his poor chips, the clerk, and the human that shifted partial attention to him. “And you- The gauntlet, too!”

“Alright, I’m fuckin’ pissed,” Nero spoke up as he shifted his weight slightly. “Do you have _any damned idea_ how many times I’ve tried to find _those chips right there_?” He pointed at the crushed bags with his Devil Breaker. “In _three days_, those are the only two I’ve found. And you, ya stupid little fuck, just smashed ‘em to bits.”

“What the hell is your deal?! I’ve got a _gun_!”

“This pea-shooter?” He gripped the barrel with his prosthetic hand and twisted the man’s arm to the side. “Do I _look_ scared?”

A single round went off.

Nero _growled_ as pain bloomed through his left shoulder, already feeling the wound stitching back together since it was a clean shot. The plates on his arm shifted and sent electricity sparking over his arm and the gun, making the human yelp and let go. He pulled Blue Rose out of her holster and aimed both barrels at the thief’s face. “_You_ shut the hell up and _stay right there_. Little shits like you are barely a _snack_, forget breakfast.” He tossed the tiny-in-comparison gun on the counter.

The man’s eyes had gone very wide at the sight of the huge revolver, but his mind was stuck on two things. “I-It’s…not a gauntlet…and the hole just...closed up…?”

Nero was about to give the annoying human another piece of his mind since giving him the punch to the face he _wanted_ to deliver would leave Kyrie upset when she inevitably found out, but the door dinged as Nico burst in with a gun in a one hand and Red Queen in the other. “Nero! What the hell’s goin’ on in here? I heard a gun…shot…?”

“No demons; just this little bastard trying to rob the place.” He kept Blue Rose trained on the wannabe criminal as he caught Red Queen with his Devil Breaker when Nico tossed her to him. The scent of urine from the properly terrified human made him wrinkle his nose. “Good news for you: cigarettes and a drink.” He watched the human crumple to the floor in a dead faint and rolled his eyes while re-holstering Blue Rose.

“What about your chips? Did you find any?”

Nero gritted his teeth as he glared at the passed-out human. “This asshat crushed ‘em.”

Nico snickered, and he shot her a dry glare.

“Son… Nero, is it?” He looked at the clerk. “I owe you my livelihood and my life-”

“Nah.” He shrugged, figuring Kyrie would be proud of him for not seriously injuring the human that shot him, unless she counted making him wet himself and faint as injuries. He’d have to repair his coat, though, and that was going to be annoying. “This is what I do. Protect humans. Just turns out the threat today wasn’t a demon.”

The old man sighed and gave him a gentle smile. “I used to be a field medic, so at least let me look at your shoulder.” Nero rolled said shoulder pointedly as Nico grinned off to the side, enjoying watching him struggle with a human who _didn’t_ know about his demon blood. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“I’m fine. It, ah…just grazed me, that’s all. Thanks for the concern, though.” Nero really didn’t know what to do with _nice_ people other than Kyrie.

“Well, how about… I’m sure I’ve got a few more bags of those chips in the back.”

He grinned widely, not even noticing Nico’s jaw dropping at how _happy and excited_ the expression was. “Okay, I can’t say no to that.”

Nero was so used to dealing with the supernatural that he never thought about one day dealing with _attempted armed robbery_. It was such a human concern and rather mundane on his radar when he was accustomed to killing creatures that made _him_ feel small instead of dealing with idiots that _he_ towered over. He did get his chips, though he had to argue to be allowed to pay for at least half of them.

It became a rather regular stop for them, and he was glad for it since a few demons decided to attempt wrecking the place a couple of times, but he always came away with an armload of his favorite chips.

**Author's Note:**

> Also on tumblr: @SilverSapphyre


End file.
